be careful, you might lose something important

"be not afraid of life. believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact." william james

"be not afraid of greatness. some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them." william shakesphere

"appreciation can make a day, even change a life. your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary." margaret cousins

"those who can laugh without a cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad." norm papernick

wishes are a dream your heart makes

straight 'a's for my 'a' level.
cd player cum radio.
a set of close and really good friends.
flat screen monitor.
creative zen.
memory cards for my digi cam.
charms for my charm bracelet.
head phones.
more books for my reading pleasure.
playboy print wallet.
jars of clay cd.
corset top with lace and strings.
that special somone to brighten up my day.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

loving you at 10:48 PM

good evening.

if you happened to stumble on this blog, i've moved. 10 months it's been since i started this new blog. as opposed to my two year running blog i've had before. remember the dark and gloomy one where all i wanted to do was die? yupp. i moved on from there to here. and now, i'm moving on from here to my new home. a home, hopefully forever in paradise.

these past ten months have been very much a rollercoaster ride. some dips i haven't blogged about, most highs i've gushed about. but nevertheless, even without blogging, i'd still remember every one of them. well, i'm trying to erase the dips. not the lessons mind you, just the memories. some are indeed too painful to keep.

i can safely say that i've grown within the past 10 months. from that awkward JC girl, to hopefully a lady whose going to make her mark in the world. [really, i don't know where all this optimism is coming from!] sure i may not have done well in the 'a' levels, and that is solely my fault. but this was the life i think i've always secretly wanted to live. to work and to study. to balance out the two, and have the best next few years of my life.

relationships were a thing of the past at the start of January 2007. that was until Nicholas. my heart fluttered. and ignored almost everything else i knew was true. then came along the man i thought was going to make me the happiest girl alive. but made me cry more tears than i knew i had. i must admit, there was always that temptation to just jump back into my old phase. the razors, the crying, the darkness. and then you came along. J. everything that's going to follow is cliche, overly romantic and has possibly been repeated by at least a million people around the world. but i can tell you this, when you're in the middle of all of it. you can't help but be cliche.

hahas. yes, it ended there. because it's time for bed. you want to know more about my baby? stay on my other blog. hehes. oh, the webpage is http://youplusmeequalshappiness.blogspot.com do go check it out! actually, it's undone yet. the template wouldn't load. but hopefully it'll be up and running before my birthday! and even before the guides campfire. hehes. tata!

<3 you always

Thursday, April 19, 2007

loving you at 1:41 PM

good afternoon.

i just came back from lunch and i'm full. i've got a cup of juice here beside me, and it's helping to make me feel less bloated. so yes, amanda is going to start drinking juice after lunch everyday. and on weekends, she'd drink juice every time she gets the chance! hahas. i'm a determined kind of girl, didn't you know? hahas. yes, i'm in a much better mood now. i guess there really is no use being upset about anything, especially matters of the heart. every one's different, you can't please everyone. you can't make everyone happy. you can only do your best at making someone smile ^^ well, i'm going to post something i got from an e-mail. provided by steffie, i love that girl, and re posted by a million other people. i really would love it if my boyfriend would do it. but we don't always get what we want, right?

even the smallest action can have the biggest impact on someone else's life

give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in
leave her cute text notes
kiss her in front of your friends
tell her she looks beautiful
look into her eyes when you talk to her
let her mess with your hair
touch her hair
just walk around with her
forgive her for her mistakes
look at her like she's the only girl you see
tickle her even when she says to stop
hold her hand when you're around your friends
when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her
let her fall asleep in your arms
get her mad than kiss her
tease her and let her tease you back
stay up all night with her when she's sick
watch her favorite movie with her
kiss her forehead
give her the world
write her letters
let her wear your clothes
when she's sad, hang out with her
let her know she's important to you
let her take all the photos she wants of you
kiss her in the pouring rain
when you fall in love with her, tell her
and when you tell her, love her like you've never loved someone before

that was sweet wasn't it? -sigh- now if only i could find a guy like that, and i might just be the happiest girl in singapore. hahas. well, i'm actually just checking through my old inbox which i accidentally reactivated. i realize more people send mail to that inbox than to my new one. hahas. but better to receive junk mail and chain letters there than to flood my new inbox. especially now that i'm still waiting for my uni posting letters! hahas. let's not talk about that right now, because it's bound to start depressing me.

today has been a relatively horrible day thus far. and it really doesn't look like it's going to get better any time. for one, my left ankle has start to ache. it doesn't hurt, it's just a persistent ache that refuses to go away. and i don't dare to twist my ankle to relieve the ache because i don't want to do any thing wrong to injure myself. second, my right foot baby toe hurts. i'm not sure if it's because of the shoe or if my nail is too long. either way, i think i'm going to cut my nail when i get home. and then there is my baby finger. can you believe that i cut my baby finger on a tape dispenser? hahas. i don't know how anyone can be that clumsy! but apparently i can be that clumsy. hahas. the throbbing pain has subsided and now it's just uncomfortable with the plaster i have on. hahas. not to mention i'm tired and sleepy. the yawning monster always insists on attacking me at work, and i just don't understand why. hahas. i am indeed running out of things to say.

i think i can safely say that the situation in church has been resolved. who really knows when anything is going to happen next, but till then, i'd just stick on for the ride. almost everyone i know is attached, and it really is upsetting. but it's not upsetting as it is annoying. see, now i'm getting a bit upset. hahas. maybe it still is best for me to remain a bachelorette. concentrate on my studies, enjoy guys and maybe dating will return to the scene when i'm nicely settled into my life. hahas. well, it's already 2pm. everyone is starting to come back from lunch and i really should be getting back to my work. thanks for stopping by. i'll try and post more regularly. i still have yet to get my stories updated. -argh- amanda is becoming lazy and a procrastinator. hahas. i really should go. thanks for stopping by! all my love, only for you.

<3 you always

Friday, April 13, 2007

loving you at 10:03 AM

good morning.

i'm at work, but it's extremely boring >.<>

yesterday's dinner was fun as usual. i always have fun out with lynn and aunty veron. it's almost like a crime to not have fun when you're out with them. hahas. we had dinner at M hotel. it was really nice! and cooked salmon is nice ^^ especially the way they made it at the hotel. hahas. lynn and aunty veron were happily having their salmon as me and mummy ate salad. it was hilarious when me and lynn decided to toss a salad ourselves. hahas. there really wasn't much to put in so we added smoked chicken although i'm not supposed to be eating chicken with this throat of mine, we never do listen to the rules do we? and the potato salad. hahas. mummy and aunt veron said that it looked like we just mixed a bit of vegetable and then added the already made salad on top of it. hahas. but it was fun. desert was chocolate! at first i wasn't really full after having dinner. then we had cakes, the small ones that come in a small plate by itself. and then i was full. but not that full as i still had chocolate coated marshmellows ^^ it's been such a long time since i've taken chocolate foundue. and yesterday's chocolate was indeed heavenly. hahas. after dinner we headed up to the bar for drinks ^^ and yes, it is true. alcohol does keep me awake. wide awake. after the drinks, which was pretty dull since there was music and we were sitting right in front of the live band. hahas. on the way back to their place i fell asleep. and then woke up to keep mummy company on the drive home. and then, it was prison break ^^ it's pretty cool how my whole week is filled with nice late night shows. it's just a wonder how i get up every morning and go to work. hahas. but i'm guessing that once school starts, i'd have to change my schedule. can't be late for classes, especially not when i live so far away from school. hahas.

talking about school just makes me want to sit here and sigh till no end. it's easy to wait in silence for the letters to arrive, be they bearers of good news or ill tradegy. either way, it's much easier to sit and wait in silence. but mother just had to bring that topic up on the drive home yesterday. what if i don't get accepted into any of the universities i applied to? i really don't know. hahas. but one thing's for sure, i'd be the first black sheep of the family. hahas. and it is probably without a doubt my grandma will start nagging at me the moment she sees me awake at 2am gaming. i'm sure even my mother will start. -sigh- i think i'd probably start working and take up a part time degree or diploma in accounting. that way, i guess i might be able to get a higher paying job. but enough about that now, my mood is already on it's way down to nothingness.

there is nothing to talk about my love life. hahas. do i even have one? hahas. whatever it is, i'm not even going to think about it. because it really doesn't matter anymore. nothing really matters anymore. -pout-

i really should go, i'm already beginning to yawn. how i'm going to survive today and go jogging tonight, i have no idea. but i'd make it through. someway, somehow. i'm out of here, maybe i'll blog another time when my mood is high ^^

<3 you always

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

loving you at 11:16 AM

good morning.

it's been a pretty long while since i last blogged. and i must say, it's really amazing how a person's life can change so drastically in such a short span of time. hahas. anyhow, it's an hour or so till lunch time, so i thought i'd blog for a bit before going for lunch. i was thinking of doing it instead in the afternoon, so i'd be kept more awake. but i wanna write just a one shot. i don't know about what yet, but perhaps love. everything needs love, doesn't it? but yes, i'd most probably post it on here. i think FictionPress is likely to ban me if i post it up there. hahas. and speaking of FictionPress, i will start to update my stories now that my new computer has been fixed and is ready for action. *smiles* just hang in there for a few, everything will be completed soon.

with regards to the situation in church. i'm just so confused i don't know what to do. i know i was wrong that day, and to whoever it may concern. i'm sorry. i didn't mean to do what he did to me to you. i just wasn't sure i wasn't going to start screaming at you if i did talk to you. but i hope you know that it's not your fault, and yes, i will do a personal apology. i just need to think it through, swallow my pride and hope to god i don't kill someone before i see you. but if you were wondering, it's really not your fault. it's my fault for taking it out on you.

my love life is still not in balance. hahas. on one hand, i wouldn't mind jumping head in into a relationship right about now. after all, where's the fun if precautions are taken at every step? but then, my heart fluctuates or was it just one time? i don't even know. the other boy is out of the picture, it's just me and the guy now. but then, his ex girlfriend just did have to come into the picture didn't she? hahas. and so now, amanda's sitting at her computer, staring longingly at her phone and wishing to the heavens that it'll ring. you know the ironic thing? just before his ex girlfriend came into the picture, i did ask him what we were suppose to be. hahas. i guess my brief affair with NC has really made me wonder if my relationships would ever get back to normal. but comparing my feelings for boy 1 and guy 2, i would definitely say that boy 1 was most probably a weak re-kindling of a flame for the image of the boy i previously dated, ie, NC. so in that aspect, i'm thankful the feelings have indeed faded. but guy 2. the feelings are different, they do burn probably as strong as the feelings i had for NC but they feel different. he asked me, if i loved him, and that really got me thinking. i can still say that when i was with NC, i did love him. because amanda doesn't jump into a relationship and not give her heart to the one she believes will treasure it. [and yes, her prince charming has heard her wishes.] and really, i'm all but ready to give him my heart. that is, if he'd have it. but now, the picture has changed so drastically and the gound under my feet has been washed from under me and i'm stumbling. i guess the only thing i can do is wait and see what happens. i guess our date this saturday has been cancelled?

the rest of my life has been rather uneventful. my posting results are still not out, so i suppose i'd just sit tight and fear the worst. oh, and hope for the best too. hahas. my stomach is growling already. and it's only 11.40am. i guess nothing else really tops what's happening in the love department. it just hurts knowing that there's a higher chance of him returning to his ex girlfriend. after all, don't people usually stay with what's known to them? *pout* i don't know what to do anymore. what i want to do is cry, and it doesn't help the fact that i've got virtually no time to myself. crying in the bath isn't an option; it just isn't. anyway, i'm heading out for an early lunch because uncle harris has an appointment. amanda's day has perked up so she's smiling pretty easy now ^^ thanks for reading, i'd try and blog more often and update my stories. hahas. take care, i love you, i think i really do.

<3 you always

loving you at 11:16 AM

good morning.

<3 you always

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

loving you at 5:46 PM

good afternoon.

my 100th post for this blog, and it is truly an unfortunate day. not taking into account what happened during the weekend, but that's for later. much later. first, my oh so unfortunate day. firstly, my hair wouldn't dry. it didn't use to be a problem, until it started to soak through my shirt and annoy the living day lights out of me. i wrapped my hair in my towl followed by drying with said towel. i did that for almost three times until i gave up and changed because i was on the verge of being late. not ten steps from my door, my shoe strap burst. i suppose it can be considered fortunate that i had yet to step into the lift or had already made my way down. but nevertheless, the action alone of having to go back into the house and change my shoes annoyed me to no end. and then, there was the bus. as usual. are the bus uncles ever trained to drive properly? like not suddenly jam break. i know there are seats which are suppose to be used, there are some people who are unfortunate enough to be left standing still. i don't know how but i broke out in sweat. -.-" walking to the mrt was a trouble - less journey. and i only discovered that the mrt was not as cold as i had remembered. only until the last few stations did the cool wind begin to cool my body. and then, the journey to work. i still have yet to mention how annoying it is to walk in a pair of shoes that are slightly bigger. the day after that simmered down to being normal. by normal i mean trying to do two tasks at once, both of apparently similar importance. and then, there is the usual annoyance at work. *sigh* can you believe it? i'm too tired and really cannot be bothered anymore to blog about today. because i only keep thinking about saturday. *sigh*

work ends in approximately 5 minutes. i've got to do the bulletin tonight so maybe i'd blog tomorrow. i love you, i think this broken heart is still capable of love.

<3 you always

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

loving you at 12:44 PM

good afternoon!

the office is almost deserted as everyone is heading down to lunch. i've decided to stay in the office again, and this time i'm going to blog! seeing as how i didn't bring my book today because it was raining in the morning and i didn't want to be carrying too many things. you know how clumsy amanda is. so, i've decided to blog. hahas. it's been quite a while since i last blogged and seeing as how my days are occupied with so many other activities, i seem to have lost touch with writing. yes, amanda hasn't written anything in about a week. i'm dying to get my next one shot up, but it's like, i've only got some parts planned out. it's hard to make a sad love story when the guy is entirely devoted to one girl. but i guess i do like my guy characters to be like that. well, unless they are destined to be evil and spoil everyone's day. hahas. but i'll try. another song that's tickled my fancy is 'only heaven knows' by rick price. i'm really sorry if that song reflects some people i know in my life, but it was because of you guys that my thoughts run wild sometimes. but i promise, no names and no obvious similarities! *smiles*

aside from my lack of wiriting, the second other thing i've been doing the most is game. scions of fate. i've neglected maple, but i'm planning to return to that game. when my new computer gets set up and everything. hahas. but in the mean time, at least i've got someone helping me train! i think. hahas! but it really doesn't matter. has any of the games mattered to amanda before? nope so it's not going to start now. games are just for fellowship. after all, when everyone lives so far from one another. it's the only way we get to talk to each other and have fun at the same time! in times like these, you've got to do everything in half the time. but gaming as been fun and i'm going to start playing for someone else again. hahas. but it's quite fun playing another character without the hassle of training till it's a decent level for you to have fun. i must admit that its slightly difficult to restrain myself from any 'girly' comments. after all, the character is of a guy. hahas. but other than that, it's quite fun! and also trying not to get his character killed. hahas. that's another one. so that is about it for my gaming life.

i'm anxiously waiting for my new computer to arrive. and not so anxiously waiting to kiss my next cheque good bye after only one day. hahas. we can only call them on the 26th of march to arrange a time to send the computer. if mummy is unable to be home during the weekday, i think i'll just stay home one saturday or wake up really early so they can come and fix my computer! hahas. i really cannot wait. so far, i've got mainly six things i need to install in my computer.

mp3 player

scions of fate

maple

camera

webcam

microphone

i think that should be about it. and i hope that the microsoft word is the same as the old version. because if not, i'm going to need serious help in doing the bulletin! *cries for help* but i'm sure god has a way. hahas. if god doesn't have a way, i'm sure uncle willy would be able to help. don't be fooled by his age, he is actually quite computer savvy. hahas. maybe it's the experience, or maybe it's just the courses he attended. hahas! whatever it is, at least there's someone there to help me! *smiles*

putting my excitement for my arriving computer aside, it's back to earth and back to church. mummy's saying that i shouldn't quit the magazine committee, even when i'm dying to just get away from anyone that i might feel like strangling when in close proximity. aunty roslind says that i should still be the secretary. and that uncle john foo is willing to teach me. and i guess, when everything's settled and everyone's had their say, i know deep down that i really do want to do this. and no matter what happens or how i feel; i'm determined to make this work. i just hope i can get out of it alive. hahas. but the next meeting is next month i think. hahas. better put it into my calender before i get booked for another appointment. so now that i've said my peace, pray for me! hahas.

hmm, what else can i tell you about my oh so interesting life. hahas. my love life is still stagnant and it's not moving up and neither is it moving down. but that's good isn't it? hahas. i still don't know if it's good. cause i don't know how much more my heart can take. it's already being held together by scotchtape. hahas. but i can say i'm only happiest when i'm with him. and the memories do keep the smile on my face during the day, and though the worst times a girl can experience in a day. and for that alone, i'm grateful. looking on the bright side, i still talk to him. so it's much better than being ignored or even not talking to him at all! oh and i must add, this 'look on the bright side' campaign of mine is really turning out to be effective. i can't say i haven't got extremely angry or annoyed, but at least it helps me to put a smile on my face still. just when my defenses are low and i'm really down, that's when it doesn't work at all. hahas. and also the fact that almost everyone i know is happy in a relationship doesn't help at all. just makes me want to tell him and get it over with. hahas. but i'm determined not to rush this. look at what happened the last time i dived head in into a relationship? i almost died. hahas. so yes, i'm going to take it slow and steady. and i guess, if it's even meant to be, it'll happen. if it's not meant to be, there'll never be the awkwardness of his knowledge of my heart. i've got it all thought out. i just hope my heart doesn't decide to be reckless like how it's known to be. hahas. but whatever it is, amanda will keep on smiling. so if you're going through the same thing, keep smiling. because i am.

finally, my application for university. i have submitted my application forms. i don't know if other than the three major universities if i should go anywhere else. i wouldn't mind doing accounting, because that was my original plan. but i'm just very un-sure about everything right now. i'm just going to wait for the results of my application, and then we'll see how. the brighter side of this all is that if all else fails, i might still have my job waiting for me. and who knows, amanda might just learn how to be a event manager/project manager. but pray for me won't you? because i don't think i can survive in the same house as her if i don't get into a university. i really don't.

everyone's beginning to return to the office so i think i should be getting back to work. *smiles* the office is actually relative quiet today. i'm not complaining, i'm just saying i like it alot. hahas. well, if anything else that comes up in my life that is even close to exciting, i'll blog again. hahas. take care. thanks for coming to my blog to read about my life! hahas. do tag if you have the time, my tag board is extremely dusty *chokes on the dust* so see you around soon! ILOVEYOU

some days it feels like you love me too.

some days my broken heart gets crushed under your foot.

some days i long to tell you the truth.

some days i'd die before admitting my feelings.

the only constant is my love for you.

<3 you always

Sunday, March 18, 2007

loving you at 8:07 PM

good evening.

it has been 6 days since my last entry. since then and now, i've been pretty busy. monday - wednesday was spent anxiously waiting for thursday to come. thursday was sentsoa with the girls. friday was back to work. and my supposedly busy saturday was spent at home and in church. today, has been relatively dull. how interesting can staying at home with nothing to do but game and write be? so yes, i shall just skip to thursday's outing!

i never knew you could know so much about a person in one day. and without a doubt, it was extremely fun! hahas. we got lost in the morning due to a slight breakdown in communications. but in the end, we managed to find each other and take the right bus down to harbourfront. our original plan of walking into sentosa was squished since we were all kind of lazy and dying to get to the beach. so we took the bus in, bought a ticket and took the first bus to the beach. once everything was set out, everyone headed for the water! *grin* after a while, lazy old me decided to sit with our valuables and tan rather than play with the girls. after a while, everyone joined me and we deicded to sun tan for a while before going back into the water again. and because of my ever loveable mp3, me and steffie fell asleep =P hahas. after that, we had ice cream. and then slacked around for a bit before mummy came! during that time before lunch, me and colleen were huddled under her umbrella talking. and boy was it fun! hahas. it was really nice talking to her, especially after having not talked to her in ages! hahas. lunch was filling and then the fun began again! after that, mummy decided to put the things closer to the sea so she could come have fun too! and we were in the water for at least another hour or so! not to mention we had free entertainment all thanks to a few couples. hahas. but really, get a room! hahas. when the beach suddenly got infested, we deicded to go and bathe and then explore the new island. after bathing whereby i took the longest. can't blame me can you? i do have the longest hair! hehes. we drove to soilso beach and then took the monrail. we took loads of photos on the monrail as well as while we were walking. hahas. we stopped at the second station on our way back and explored the new built up area. and we took loads of photos! you can head to friendster to check it out! *smiles* and suddenly it started to rain so we decided to take the bus back to our car. we then went to vivo city for dinner. and then after dinner, it was home! i must admit that despite the extremely hot sun and my currently peeling face and hurting shoulders, i had the most fun ever since last year! and that's saying a lot. hahas. i hope we go out again, sooN! and the chalet that i was talking about, yes, i'm hoping to the heavens that it'll take place. so keep your decembers free! hahas.

well, what else is there to blog about? had dinner with ben and vince and charlene on saturday. and i must say we should do it again. hahas. my shoulders are still hurting and i'm wondering if i should just skip work tomorrow. i don't know how i'm going to survive the constant pain. but i foresee amanda going to work still. hahas. *sigh* if you haven't noticed already, i'm not exactly the happiest girl in the world at this moment. anyhow, i better go since i'm brooding. nights. take care. i love you.

<3 you always

the girl
~amanda germaine~
~~eighteen~~ going on nineteen
ijian. cjcian.
cancer. 23june1988.
single, ~~available~~ and enjoying every minute of it!