good afternoon.

i know this is really too fast to be putting up a second post, taking into consideration that i should be focusing on my economics as well as history but if i do not get all this off my chest, i'd never be able to fully study. even now, i'm having doubts about if i can still study even after posting this post. because you see, it really matters not if this post gets passed around. i just need to get this off my chest, and hopefully for some people to actually understand me. sure, i may look like the ice cold hearted bitch to you, but if you have not been through my life story in this church, please refrain from commenting. i refuse to bring up what happened in the past two - three years i've been in this church, because i'm determined to not let the past drag me down. however, because of the rise of sudden situations, i feel that i really need to post about it, even though it may risk me bringing up bad memories of the past. if not for you, it will definitely bad memories for me.

gossip. it's something that i have got use to for the past year or so. seeing as how i'm constantly being exposed to it. be it in school, or in church. even the work place doesn't rule out gossip queens. i wouldn't go to the extent to say that i've never gossiped about a person because who really doesn't love a juciy story? especially looking at the mundane life we lead. i've gossiped about a person before, yes. but i have yet truly to destroy a person. and for those who know about my older blog, i apologized and he accepted but you wouldn't know that now would you? because there is so much more to me than what you see every weekend. as for myself, i wouldn't blame the state i'm in entirely to gossip, after all, we are the ones making the decisions on which paths to take. maybe i've just made a few wrong decisions here and there to land me in this situation, but there is a difference between dealing with the consequences of your actions and dealing with the consequences of others actions. some of the rumors i've heard about myself so far, i don't really care much for them. well, as i've stated before, unless they begin to ruin my life. i must admit, i'm still sore over the rumor that i've dated around church, because if you actually knew me, half the guys i hang out with in church either 1. do not like me in that way, 2. much too young for my liking or 3. i prefer them as "siblings" as opposed to "other halves". well, i'm still slightly sore over that rumor and as of yet, it hasn't been corrected! but i guess i've given up trying to change people's opinion about me, because there is only so much a person can do before someone else comes along and tried to destory all my hard work *pouts* but that is not what's getting me all worked up about.

the main issue here i believe has to do with my mother. i really couldn't care less about what you want to say about me. you can spread as many vicious rumors about me as you want, or you could even tarnish my reputation not that it's exactly polished pretty at the moment but never ever talk bad about my mother. the decisions i made, were made solely by myself duh! and she really had no choice in the matter. so why is there gossip about my mother? i've heard before that people of this church are wary of single mothers. do you seriously think that just because they are single mothers they are so desperately in need of a man? look at their children, they're almost of age. if they as a single parent has been able to raise a child till he/she is almost of age, what makes you think they need a man? i don't know exactly what you are saying, but because of the current situation, there is no in hell that she can just jump to conclusions on her own without any instigation. so what exactly are you trying to do? doesn't the church teach you to love your neighbour? doesn't the church say that we are all brothers and sisters in christ? maybe now, i've got a clearer idea why all the youths and even some adults are leaving the catholic church for other denominations. and this is making me question my being in this church. and please, don't start the lecture on how i've gone through this a thousand times, because now, everything does seem to be pushing me away from this church. what am i still doing in this church? why am i still in this church? and what in the world is keeping me in this church aside from the fact that i still have some people i care about in this place. i really do not understand, why? aren't we suppose to be on the same side? but now, because of this, it has forced me to sit down and think about what i really want to do from now on.

maybe now, it's time to really leave this church and totally forget about it. because i can really see no benefit from keeping in contact with this church, or even visiting this church at all. the friends, i'd definitely want to keep. they're the only people i'd give my life for. maybe it really will be for the best. the money i've donated, the church can keep it. the time we've spent helping the people, they can take it as rememberance. the mornings i dragged myself out of bed to help out in the canteen, the church can put it into photographs and store them. the words exchanged between us and others, the tears, the actions, the church can bury it under her. i really think that it is time to leave.



the sun was just setting over the horizon as the door creaked open, pushed by only a slight force. "hush! someone might hear us," a boy's voice comanded followed by the sound of giggling as the wooden steps creaked under the pressure. the boy took another step before tentatively reaching out to push at the door again. "the door isn't that fragile you know," a girl's voice teased as the boy tugged at her hand to silence her. "the building's so old, who knows when anything is going to just collapse on us," the boy argued back as the door was pushed open so that they both could fit through. "then should we be doing this? what if the roof collapses under us?" the girl teased the boy again as he stepped out into the fresh air, extending his other hand to help her through the door. "we could leave..." "i was kidding," the girl smiled as she stood beside the boy, taking in the fresh air. the sun had almost disappeared behind the resident houses as the boy took in the sight before him. the last light rays of the sun gave the girl a soft glow around her, loose strands of her hair framing her face as she looked towards the resident buildings. "the sunset's beautiful," the girl gushed as she looked up, towards the heavens, the whole sky was a beautiful hue. "yes, absolutely stunning," the boy replied, as he ran his thumb across her hand in a soothing gesture. "stunning...?" the girl turned to look at the boy, a blush covered her cheeks when she noticed him staring at her. "oh e..." the girl relaxed as the boy pressed his lips lightly to hers, his free arm sliding around her to hold her to him. the image evaporated as a girl in black suddenly stood up. the cold wind brushed against her skin as she imagined she felt his arms around her, his voice whispering in her ear. "this is the end," she whispered, her words never reached another's ears as the wind whisked them away. she knelt down, feeling the sandy ground underneath her knees, eyes closed, head bowed. her recently shortened hair covered her face but could not conceal the tears that found their way down her cheeks and onto the hard ground. "you'd be all right baby, even when i'm not with you." she heard his last words in her mind as a sob escaped her. she sat back on her calves, head tilted upwards, eyes still closed. her eyes snapped open as a cold droplet of water landed directly on the tip of her nose. "come on! we'd never get to do this when everyone's around," the girl gushed as she tugged on the boy's hand. "i don't want you to catch a cold," the boy reasoned, sliding an arm around the girl so she wouldn't run out into the rain. "but i really want to do this," the girl pleaded, her lips beginning to form a pout. "all right, but don't run around too much, i don't want anything..." "thank you!" the girl squealed her delight before planting a kiss on the boy's cheek, pulled herself out of his grasp and walked out into the pouring rain. the boy soon followed, seeking out her hand. "i love the rain!" the girl proclaimed, closing her eyes and tilted her face towards the heavens. "and i love you," the boy whispered, standing behind her, one hand on her hip. "of course you do, who else would you love?" the girl teased as she turned to look at the boy. "i'm sure there are hordes of girls just waiting for my attention," the boy playfully retorted, his other hand immediately searched for hers. "well then, i suggest you go take a bath and not keep them waiting!" the girl expressed in a high pitched voice before dissolving into a fit of giggles. "you're the only one for me," the boy whispered, closing the distance between them. "and you're the only one who can make me feel this way." the boy smiled satisfied as he planted a kiss on the tip of her nose. the girl slipped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest while the boy rested his cheek against the top of her head. the couple stood in silence as the rain acknowledged their confessions of love. she couldn't hold back the sobs that shook her body as the rain steadily grew around her. "you said forever." the girl whispered as she hugged herself, goosebumps covering her arms and legs. "what's wrong?" the boy whispered, tightening his arms around the girl. the girl let out a sigh before leaning further into the boy. "baby..." "what he said was true, we can't be together forever." the girl blurted out, she pulled her hands out of his grasp and laid them on top of his hands. "our paths may be pulled apart but i know you'd be just fine," the boy whispered against her hair, loosening his grip on her. "how would you know something like that?" the girl flared up as she turned in his grasp and stared up at him. he ignored her outburst as he leaned forward to place a kiss against her temple. "how can you..." "because i know that you will be fine without me." the boy stated firmly, using his second finger to tilt her face until she was looking into his eyes. "but what if..." "if we contemplated all the 'what if's of our lives, we would never be able to really live." he quipped, raising an eye brow. "so is this all a joke to you?" the girl asked flatly, her eyes suddenly void of emotion. "baby, you know i was only joking. look here, i know that even without me here, you'd be fine because i want you to be." he pleaded. "why?" she choked out, trying to hide her obvious pain. "because i love you, and i'd always want you to be happy whether you're with me or not. do you understand that?" the boy explained, never once breaking eye contact with the girl. she nodded numbly as she leaned forward and welcomed his warm embrace. "it's only because i love you," he whispered again. she heard him whisper before the sound of rain filled her ears, and his warm embrace replaced by the ice cold wind. "cytheria!" a loud voice cut through the sound of the rain as hurried footsteps could be heard coming towards her. "sebastien, what are you doing here?" she looked up, the tear steaks not as obvious as before. "what do you think you're trying to do?" he asked, panic in his voice as he pulled her into a bone crushing hug. "i wasn't going to kill myself," she whispered, closing her eyes, imagining she was in his arms again. "please, i'd do anything." he begged, his tears mingling with the rain water. "let me go cytheria, i want you to be fine because i love you," she heard him whisper into her ear as she saw an image of them behind sebastien. he reached behind him to pry her hands apart and let them fall to her side. his left hand reached up to cup her cheek as he leaned forward and gave her his last kiss before he looked up and directly into her eyes, "i will love you always," he whispered before he turned and walked away, never once looking back. "please take me home. i'm getting cold," she whispered, giving him a slight squeeze. "yes." sebastien said as he scooped her up from the ground and carried her towards the old door. just as they were heading out the door, cytheria looked back and saw an image of them together, hands linked, bright smiles on their faces. she was waving back at herself, while he looked on and smiled, an arm sneaking around her waist to pull her closer to him. just before the door closed fully she saw him pull her image self into a passionate kiss. she slipped her arms around sebastien's neck before laying her head on his chest, a contented smile on her face.



it seems that this is the year to be ending a whole lot of relationships, especially with institutions and buildings. maybe it really is the right thing to do. and since i wrote a story when i left cjc, i don't see why i shouldn't write a story now. all right, i admit. i just wanted to write something to relieve stress. well, now that is out in the open, i really had better be returning to my stuides. i have wasted much precious time! i hope this post didn't put too much of a downer on your weekend. although it is the end of the weekend. but i also do hope you enjoyed the story. some parts happened, some parts is just pure amanda-ness. i really do hope you enjoyed it! and if you didn't, constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated! ok, much time has been wasted with all this farewell and whatnot. do take care of your health, the weather is getting rather frickle! study hard if you have to all 'o' level and 'a' level applicants and not forgetting the students beginning their new year at the polytechnics! and i will be back soon. i love you.

<3 you always