good afternoon.


it's slightly after lunch and since i've got a few minutes, i thought i'd drop by here and blog. since my last post, i've had time to sleep, simmer and think it over. but the feelings are far from resolved. i don't know what i am going to do, maybe i'll just avoid her. because i'm not the type to spread rumors about people, i would then just be the pot calling the kettle black. maybe i'd just go swimming tonight and soak myself in the cold water, and hopefully, my heart will freeze along with the rest of my body. anyhow, i'm also feeling less up to it for church events. the bulletin, i still love it. i love the typing. i like producing something that is beneficial to others. but then, i just feel so sian at times. like i would rather do something else with my time, like sleep instead of stay awake till 11pm just to type out the bulletin. or play maple instead of having to take time to look through the bulletin for mistakes and to print it out. and when those thoughts come, i scold myself. i made a choice to do it, so i really shouldn't complain about it right? but what can a girl do, when all she wants is some warmth and no one cares enough to even provide a little? i will most probably continue doing the bulletin. but with regards to the writing for the church magazine, i'm still uncertain if i'm going to give my name. especially when i'm not entirely sure how long i'd still be in church. but let's not look too far into the future, god knows i've had enough of that. let's just concentrate on here and now.


shopping yesterday at suntec city has just strengthen my resolve to lose all this damn weight. so yes, swimming will still continue. although i'm thinking of factoring in running. unless i can find an all female gym, then perhaps i'll go there and exercise. it's rather unnerving to exercise with men around, with muscles or with flab. both still give me the creeps. hahas. and lunch, i have to start cutting down on staple food and eat more protein. if i can do that, or skip lunch entirely, it would really help i suppose. since i did skip every other meal in ij, but that's a different story. maybe one day every week, i shouldn't eat lunch. i'll just tell uncle harris and cindy that i'm meeting a friend and then spend my time in the library. well, of course i'll need an alarm so i don't go spending two or three hours there when i'm only got an hour's lunch. hahas. but we'll see how, lunch is the only time i have fun with cindy and uncle harris. maybe i'd just eat less, much less and exercise more. hope it helps. anyway, i seem to have veered off my topic! hahas.


so yes, yesterday at suntec. we found a nice red pair of heels, which meet all my requirements. aside from the fact that it is slightly lose at the back and comes out, the shoe is perfect! it's blood red, and three inches. omg, i just love that much of height. now, if only i can find a nice pair of pants that would complement or tone up my damn legs so i can wear a nice skirt, everything would fit into place. hence my new training schedule. chinese new year is coming up in less than 20 days! the shoes were around $50 i think, but it's really a good buy. and also, from next week onwards i'm going to start wearing my three inch heels to work, to start walking properly again. and hopefully by chinese new year, i wont be toppling over my own feet. all i can do now is hope that all the plans i've made, i would keep to them and this chinese new year would be a much better one. and also not to mention, it would really do a whole lot towards my goal for my birthday this year. *smiles*


i got another e-mail from brightsparks today. reminding me that the results are coming out soon. *sigh* i don't know what to do. sighing doesn't help me the least bit, but what could i do? i've already taken the damn papers, paid for them, cried over them. there really is nothing i can do but sit here and wait, and plan for the worst. damn my pessimistic nature, but what can i do? when all you can think about is how frazzled you were during the exam and how all you wanted to do when you left the hall was cry. this really is horrible. i should stop dwelling and concentrate on chinese new year. i just hope all this stress would cause me to lose some weight. hahas! ok, on to a brighter topic.


my writing has been coming along. but mapling has taken a front seat now, because of the new town and perhaps my far too long abstience from gaming. but i promise i will get back to it soon. i just hope i'd get more reviews and those people who did read my story, have not forgotten about it *pouts*


well, right now all i want to do is call someone and talk to them. so much is happening, but there's no one there to help me along. i guess it's times like this when being individual sucks, and is extremely tiring. but there isn't anyone i can talk to is there? i better go before i kill my own mood, or even before i decide that i'm better off dead. *sigh* bye.

<3 you always