good evening.


i cannot explain my desire or need to keep blogging. perhaps to keep my sanity. perhaps i like to see the way the words just flow on the screen, seeing as how this screen with the words look much nicer than the previous screen. perhaps i just have this innate need to write, and yet am stuck at a formidable wall which my mind has yet to be able to get over. although i must admit, before i blogged, i was writing and finished my 28th chapter for 'will you stay?' and have posted it up. now, all i need is two more scenes to lead up to my last three chapters, which have already been written out. must be my eagerness to start on the sequel that pushed me to write the ending even before i actually completed the story. you never know when inspiration strikes, and when it does, you can't say no. you can never say no. well, as i said, i was writing and i was almost getting it on. but i need to sleep, i wanted to blog before i do. so here i am.


something happened today. i'm not entitled to blog about it here, but i can tell you, it's troubling me a whole lot. i want to do something, and yet, i'm not sure if i should. but if i do want to do something, what can i do? there is only so much another person can do, the individual must want to do something before anything can really be done. perhaps i will sleep on it, and maybe i will message him tomorrow. and we will see how i can help, or even off any advice or even a shoulder or listening ear. god knows how much i want to help, and how much my heart aches that i'm not helping yet.


reading has been interesting as of late. although i cannot and will not read as much as i used to, i've limited myself to one book in at least two days. it doesn't matter if i take longer, but i refuse to take less than a day to read the book. despite the fact that i will still enjoy the book no matter the amount of time i take to finish the book, i still have a job to do. even when it does put me to sleep at times. and for those who still wonder how i like to read. i'm not entirely sure. but the way the words flow, the artistic use of the words, the interesting combination of words that make you stop and admire the writer. maybe because i aspire so much to be like a one of the writers that i enjoy reading. then again, can you actually write and not enjoy reading? though i must wonder, it is hard to write a story when you've read quite a fair bit and everything seems to blend in with one another. the love stories, the horror, the fantasy. there will always be in me, that desire and want to put a bit of everything i've read about into the stories i write. and yes, i've been trying to stop the fairytale like of my books. people need to suffer from heartache to know what real love is. people need to know what loss means before they can treasure something. people need to cry before they can laugh full heartedly. and so, a goal i might set for myself with regards to my writing is to ensure that i make the stories real, and not a fairytale that you would like to tell your children. to teach them that love endures always. to teach them that good will always win over evil. to teach them that no good can come out of bad deeds. to teach them that a good deed will always be rewarded while a bad deed will be punished. because in real life, that isn't always the case.


anyhow, my last chapter was over seven thousand words. hopefully i will be able to get out my next chapter before next week, even before next month! sundays, i have to strictly keep to writing and not mapling. and yet, it is only when i am inspired that i can write and not delete every other sentence. but music helps, so i hope i will get my creative jucies flowing again. and did i mention? i'm planning on another song fic. there is this song, i'm not sure who sang it nor do i remember the title of the song. but it's a song about a guy who tells this girl that he has to end it, because he realized that he doesn't love her anymore. and the plot of the story? it will be sweet, i can promise that. it will have girlish glee, i can promise that. but don't make me promise a happy ending, because she will die. but he will live, knowing that she never stopped loving him and she will always have a place in his heart. no matter who else he decides to give his heart to. despite the fact that i've just told you the plot, i may write it. when i get my hands on that song! *argh* i might try again, but the song helps the inspiration and the feelings to come. it is much easier to write that way. well, i should be going to sleep now. it's almost 10. and i need to be in bed, closing my eyes and sleeping. swimming again tomorrow. and i need to include a swimming scene in one of my stories, it's actually very amazing how much you can describe an action and it's an accomplishment to make the reader be able to visual and actully be there. but alas, it will all have to be done another day for now, i am going to sleep. i'm getting a slight throb at the side of my head. right side. it seems to be growing. i need my sleep. i will see you again. thank you for dropping by, and reading this post. do leave a tag, it bothers me slightly that no one may be reading this blog. don't ask me why, it just does. oh, before i go, just a shout out to a guy i talked to yesterday. study hard! and if you need help, i'm only a ring away *smiles* take care! *hugs* kisses all around. i love you.

<3 you always