good afternoon.

another restless night. i don't know how much longer i can go without sleeping for at least an hour every night. i already couldn't wake up this morning, and i'm seriously thinking of taking this entire week off! but no, i've already skipped work twice and it wouldn't do to continue this horrible habit. but i do wonder how long more i can take before i end up a walking zombie. and following that, i might just end up a bruised walking zombie. seeing as how i keep walking into things, bumping into furniture, thrown against bus seats in the morning. at least i don't bruise easily, but it hurts. and you know what extreme measures i usually take to avoid pain. *sigh* i'm already dreaming of my bed now. and how i wish i could just take the bus home and drop myself on my soft bed, with my pillows and my boster. my eyes are already drooping. argh!

why is it that everytime i tell myself i won't ever let anything happen between us, you make me want to change my mind? everytime my mind drifts, you're the first face to pop up in my mind. everytime i think of something, it always links back to you. i've even stopped my mind when it follows the same track to you. but really, i'm already losing ground. how much longer can i battle against my heart? right now, 2 years seem like a lifetime away. and maybe, i should try to stop getting close to you. after all, the closer i get, the tighter my heart is squeezed. but can i really? no, i don't trust myself.

anyhow, it looks like i'm about to stop seeing ben on saturdays already. because when i go for mass on saturday, mummy says that i probably won't go for mass on sunday again with her. so i think i'll just stop going for saturday mass. now why does my heart hurt? i don't know. hahas. argh. i'm brooding again, and i'm making myself depressed. shall go entertain myself now.