good morning.


yes, amanda woke up early today. haven't been able to sleep much these few nights. too many dreams, too much on my mind. but anyway, at least the scary ones don't come back to haunt me anymore. the 'o' level results were out yesterday. i only got 2 calls out of the hundreds of people i know who are taking their 'o' levels. hahas. but anyhow, congrats to those who did well. and for those who still can't accept your results, god always has a plan. trust me, i should know when i'm about to take back a failing report card in the weeks to come. anyway! no unhappiness this morning, it's too much to take especially since i'll be going for the NTU talk tomorrow. really don't think i can make it, but mummy's going to make noise and start asking me why i'm so...like that. and trust me when i say i don't know. i just feel so, bored. that really i don't understand why i'm studying so damn much when it's not working. *sigh* this blog was suppose to make me happy, and i'm dwelling too much on the things in my mind. next topic!


for one, i've got my cny outfit finished. and it is almost exactly how i imagined it to be. now all i have to do is wear it and pray to god i don't fall flat on my face. hahas. i think i should always be standing beside someone, you know, just in case i fall. hahas. bought three clutches. i couldn't help it. mummy's using one, and i'm using one. hahas. this cny has been slightly over spending, i guess i just have to save over the next few weeks. *smiles*


i can't believe that is all that i can think of that has made me happy this week. work is still the same. there are times when i feel like hitting things, people, inaminate objects but i refrain from doing that. hahas. amanda's a nice girl. hahas. yeah right.


there are so many things on my mind right now. i want to blog about them but. for one they make me feel like crying even when i think about them. but the past week, i've been able to smile through them haven't i? i just have to smile and hope they'll go away. though i highly doubt that would be the case. hahas. amanda's problems never disappear. they just get squished and shoved to the back of her mind and locked in a dark cold room. more often than not, i lock myself in there as well. hahas. see, my nose is already running and my eyes are burning. and the aching has returned. i think if someone cut me up right now, they wouldn't find my heart, just a gaping hole. *sigh* i'm becoming morbid, i know. maybe i should write patty and xavier's deaths. get all this out of me, and maybe after killing two people i would feel much better. hahas. i should go now. need to go and bathe. nail appointment later in the afternoon then meeting the guys. doubt i'll see elvin, i'm considering just getting out of the damn pictre but. *sigh* i hate myself, did you know that? *pout*


i better go. you better go before your mood falls down with mine. *hugs* thanks for stopping by. swing by the tag board? i really thing blogging has just become my own facination and morbid need to account my day and my feelings. hahas. ciao. i may not have my heart, but i know i love you.

<3 you always