good morning.

this is much worse than waiting for my 'o' level results. the nightmares are getting worse, this feeling of dread is intensifying every second, and my body seem to be breaking down on me. i really hate this anxiety, of waiting for something that you don't really want to happen. it's almost like knowing you're about to get into a serious accident. you just don't know if you're going to die, become a vegetable or survive and carry on with life. now i'm not making any sense, because my mind is so filled with anxiety, i'm hardly thinking about anything else.

i need to find back my will power. especially if i want to carry this out, essentially to protect my heart. i don't think i would be able to survive the blow, if at the end of the day, you return to her arms. but i'm not about to go running into arms i don't want to be in. i guess, in that way, i'm silently thankful. but really, despite all i want to do, i really don't see my will power holding myself to it. well, for one, because my will power is powered by my heart. and my heart doesn't want to let you go; it never wants to let you go. and so what is amanda to do? take one day at a time.

well, i should be going now. work is beckoning and i'm almost willing to do anything just to keep my mind busy, and away from thoughts of the results and of you. i really don't know what i'm going to do, can anyone tell me what i should do?