good morning.

it's been a pretty long while since i last blogged. and i must say, it's really amazing how a person's life can change so drastically in such a short span of time. hahas. anyhow, it's an hour or so till lunch time, so i thought i'd blog for a bit before going for lunch. i was thinking of doing it instead in the afternoon, so i'd be kept more awake. but i wanna write just a one shot. i don't know about what yet, but perhaps love. everything needs love, doesn't it? but yes, i'd most probably post it on here. i think FictionPress is likely to ban me if i post it up there. hahas. and speaking of FictionPress, i will start to update my stories now that my new computer has been fixed and is ready for action. *smiles* just hang in there for a few, everything will be completed soon.

with regards to the situation in church. i'm just so confused i don't know what to do. i know i was wrong that day, and to whoever it may concern. i'm sorry. i didn't mean to do what he did to me to you. i just wasn't sure i wasn't going to start screaming at you if i did talk to you. but i hope you know that it's not your fault, and yes, i will do a personal apology. i just need to think it through, swallow my pride and hope to god i don't kill someone before i see you. but if you were wondering, it's really not your fault. it's my fault for taking it out on you.

my love life is still not in balance. hahas. on one hand, i wouldn't mind jumping head in into a relationship right about now. after all, where's the fun if precautions are taken at every step? but then, my heart fluctuates or was it just one time? i don't even know. the other boy is out of the picture, it's just me and the guy now. but then, his ex girlfriend just did have to come into the picture didn't she? hahas. and so now, amanda's sitting at her computer, staring longingly at her phone and wishing to the heavens that it'll ring. you know the ironic thing? just before his ex girlfriend came into the picture, i did ask him what we were suppose to be. hahas. i guess my brief affair with NC has really made me wonder if my relationships would ever get back to normal. but comparing my feelings for boy 1 and guy 2, i would definitely say that boy 1 was most probably a weak re-kindling of a flame for the image of the boy i previously dated, ie, NC. so in that aspect, i'm thankful the feelings have indeed faded. but guy 2. the feelings are different, they do burn probably as strong as the feelings i had for NC but they feel different. he asked me, if i loved him, and that really got me thinking. i can still say that when i was with NC, i did love him. because amanda doesn't jump into a relationship and not give her heart to the one she believes will treasure it. [and yes, her prince charming has heard her wishes.] and really, i'm all but ready to give him my heart. that is, if he'd have it. but now, the picture has changed so drastically and the gound under my feet has been washed from under me and i'm stumbling. i guess the only thing i can do is wait and see what happens. i guess our date this saturday has been cancelled?

the rest of my life has been rather uneventful. my posting results are still not out, so i suppose i'd just sit tight and fear the worst. oh, and hope for the best too. hahas. my stomach is growling already. and it's only 11.40am. i guess nothing else really tops what's happening in the love department. it just hurts knowing that there's a higher chance of him returning to his ex girlfriend. after all, don't people usually stay with what's known to them? *pout* i don't know what to do anymore. what i want to do is cry, and it doesn't help the fact that i've got virtually no time to myself. crying in the bath isn't an option; it just isn't. anyway, i'm heading out for an early lunch because uncle harris has an appointment. amanda's day has perked up so she's smiling pretty easy now ^^ thanks for reading, i'd try and blog more often and update my stories. hahas. take care, i love you, i think i really do.