good evening.


there's something wrong with me. i'm crying, and i don't know why. it's just this ache where my heart used to be. and all i want to do is curl up on my bed and cry. and it is times like this i wish i wasn't alone. i'm so tempted to go dig up my blades now, but i don't think even in my desperate need i wouldn't be able to find them. did i mention? i found out that there wasn't any money deposited into my cpf account. now i don't even know how much money that bitch cheated me of. and then i find out that i don't matter enough to people for them to at least trust me. and on top of everything, i'm so fucking tired i just want to walk of the damn building and end it. who cares if life is precious when i don't matter? i want to call someone, i want a shoulder to cry on. but who can i call when the people i had looked to turned their backs on me? people as me why i bury myself in books, in reading, in writing. because there is no meaning in this world that i live in, when everyone is not who they seem. when everyone's so cold, and suspicious. or maybe in books, i can be whoever i want. or i can be myself. because in this world, being myself just isn't enough. especially not enough for everyone else.

<3 you always

good afternoon.


it has been a horrible day thus far. i think this must be all due to the fact that i woke up at 7am this morning, on time. i must say the bus ride was all right, had a look at a cute baby boy and found a seat. but surprisingly, i didn't fall asleep. i was early, but ten minutes so i settled down to read my book. and then, the work day started. first, the courior came for the document, only to find that the building has been demolished. and so, in my nice girl tone, i asked her if the address was correct since the courior guy said that the building has been demolished and he should know better since he's the courior. she said that she had asked her contact and he said that the address was correct. and then she just said, call them and ask them for the address. low and behold, they had changed their fucking address! so amanda uses a new consignment slip and sends the nice courior off on his way. and then she decides to ask me to call her contact at the company to ask him to send her a damn name card. amanda grits her teeth and does it anyway, even when she just wanted to slap her.


after that, the wonderful news that what i had been furiously copying and pasting from the malaysian university's website is not needed anymore. so i smile sweetly as i get the list of the universities that the damn company would like to get the contacts of instead. and so i close the file and start on the next university in line. and then, *ring* *ring*, amanda picks up the phone and it's the lady from the company that i just sent the couior off to! she requests to speak to her and i transfer the call. she says "i'll speak to her contact name" and so i tell the kind lady, in my most polite voice since i was almost about to scream at her that she should answer her damn phone calls. the lady then informs me that it is regarding what she had sent that morning and only then does she agree to pick up the damn phone. *grabs a pillow from my bed and screams into it*

then amanda smiles at the computer as she calms herself down and continues with her work. and the bitches [or so i've coined them] come along to make noise. i don't want to deny that they do sound nice or are even possibly nice. it's just the fact that they have no respect for anyone who is considered lower than them in the fucking office place. so what, really, if i answer phone calls all day. do copying and pasting of contacts in universities. and other menial jobs which everyone else needs help with. does that make me less of a person or do you think i'm overpaid? because let me tell you, it's not fun having to run up and down just to ensure that i answer every damn fucking phone call that comes into this damn office. or that when you're doing something, the fucking phone rings and you've got to do two things or even three things at one damn time. how about when two people come and ask you to do something? "please help me do this now." "i need this done." what do i do? i have to try to do both as fast as possible and as well as possible don't i? or when i'm doing something which is needed urgently, and then someone else asks me to do something just for the minute. what gives you the damn right to look at me like i'm not doing my damn job when you leave for smoke breaks and coffee breaks far longer than the time i take to read a damn chapter of my book which i note, i no longer read my book aside from during lunch and before work starts. so what fucking right do you have to look at me like i'm over paid? damn you.

if you're wondering how what the hell i'm still doing in this job is because i need money. and the number of days it would require for me to find another job, i would rather be working. and blasting my damn ears with music than wasting my days and not earning any cash. so yes, what the fuck can amanda do when she needs the damn money. *grabs a knife from the kitchen and starts to stab the pillow* and just as of yesterday, i've got much longer list of things that need money which i as of currently do not have. mummy's new phone. utility bill for the canteen. phone bills. university education transportation to work. food for lunch. i've decided not to get new office clothes because there is no point and since i do not have enough cash, i might as well not bothered. after all, whose going to care if i wear the same outfit i wore two weeks ago? as for chinese new year, i'm planning to get the cheapest things. already i've decided to re-use my own skirt because i can't find another one and also because it would be too expensive to buy another one. i'm deciding if i should buy that tie, or should i just use a plain black tie or beg it off someone. and my shoes. oh god. my shoes. i don't know what to do. all i really want to do now is sit here and cry, but that is useless isn't it? *drowns 3 fingers of whiskey* i wish i had that amount of alchol here so i can do that. good night and good bye.

<3 you always

good morning.


cindy is in hospital and i'm here by myself. who knew that it could be so lonely in the workplace without someone here? especially after i survived well on my own in citibank. but i guess that's different, when the people were nicer and i wasn't working solely for the cash. but anyhow, i was majorly pissed yesterday. my temper seems to be on a very short leash, and i really am not bothered to reel it in. i've got so much work to do that i really couldn't be bothered. besides, everyone else takes coffee breaks and amanda just goes on working. it's fucked up but what to do? when i read, they stare. i can almost imagine telling them that they take at least half an hour for a coffee break when i take 5 minutes to read a chapter. and they take numerous smoking breaks, and all i do is sit here and work. omg, i hate my life.


ok, enough of demoralizing myself. swimming was good yesterday. hit the twenty laps. but i got a cramp in my foot so i couldn't continue. argh. but nevermind, i'll just eat less these few days since i'm booked for thursday and friday. thursday i have the magazine meeting at 8pm. and on friday, i've got mass at 8pm as well. tonight is st anthony at 8pm. tomorrow would most probably be mapling. god knows i need something or somewhere to release my frustration. and actually, swimming is a rather good outlet. including the fact that the water is freezing and i get a good work out. all the while cursing people. hahas. not a good thing to do at the same time, but i don't think i thought about work at all. the water is just too cold to not enjoy and the silence is great, even when you have to continuously moved to avoid bumping into people. although i wouldn't mind bumping into those solid chests. hahas! amanda and her imagination. but i must admit, there were some rather nice looking chests that i wouldn't have minded bumping into. hahas! wells, aside from the nice chests there were large waves and strong winds. waves caused by the people swimming and the wind, was natural. hahas. well, my eyes are squinting. i think it must be the cold and dryness. i really should go. maybe i'll blog again later in the day or tomorrow. we'll see how. take care. god bless. thank you for reading. i love you!

<3 you always

good morning!


i don't really feel very awake this morning but i thought that since there aren't many people in the office yet, i'll just blog. as how they go down for breakfast in the morning, amanda takes her time to blog. hahas. so yesterday. it was a nice time talking to the boys. guys. men. whatever. it's nice for a change, not to have to look over your shoulder or worry about something you did wrong and be able to just be yourself and talk to people. it really was a pity i rushed out of the house without my camera! now i won't have a picture of the guys. hahas. i bet vince was happy. hahas! well, it was an interesting conversation nonetheless. i only wish it could be like that every week.


saturday afternoon was fun with mummy. aside from this disgusting couple who annoyed the living day lights out of me. i had a urge to slap the damn girl! you stare at me, it's ok. then you whisper and your bloody boyfriend turns around and stares. and i guess he was too embrassed to tell you that i certainly had more breats than you and that you're freaking cup was seen from your white top! who in the world wears a bra with half the cup showing out of the damn shirt? omg. anyhow, i was miffed and i almost wanted to ask her what her damn problem was. and a catholic no less. i don't understand how people can do that and then make the sign of the cross and pray before eating like they're damn martyrs. argh! anyhow, before that we couldn't find any nice skirts at this fashion. they only had flair skirts and i wanted a black straight skirt. hahas. so i've decided that maybe i'll just wear a skirt that i already have with a new shirt and a new pair of heels. (: after lunch we came home and started watching inuyasha! hahas. my daily dose of animae. isn't he just absolutely adorable? hahas. mummy watched it with me as well, until she had to go for work. but it was fun, the two of us watching inuyasha. i think i've got her hooked. after all, he is exceptionally cute. hahas.


well, after that i slept, woke up and ate dinner then went back to sleep. i swear i'm a pig. hahas. but isn't it apt, it is the year of the pig =X anyway, i better get going. there is now a deadline for the universities and their contacts. so i've got to hurry. hope after this is done, i wouldn't have to go back to my previous task. it really was extremely tiring, i don't know why but maybe because it was mundane. *sigh* better go. take care. god bless. *hugs* i love you.

<3 you always

good evening.


i am here only because i am bored mapling. there are only so many chickens and ducks amanda can kill and so much talk she can tolerate before it either gets on her nerves or bores the living day lights out of her. so anyway, there are some interesting things i'd like to blog about anyway, so i decided why not. since i'm waiting for jun hao to get his ass home before we train our dragon knight. hope we don't give up half way as we did with our bowgil. but with his contacts and my determination, i'm sure we'll be able to manage *smiles*


swimming yesterday was wonderful. the weather was cool and the sun was still out when we got to the pool. and about half way through, it started to rain. it really isn't as fun to dance in the rain as it is to swim in the rain. the water ran so cold that it sent shivers and goosebumps along my skin. but the contrast between the sound of water hitting water, heavily and the soft sloshing of water when you go under, really is soothing. to the mind, as well as to the soul. and a troubled soul like mine finds immense pleasure in the sound of water. the water was really cold and i just thought for a second, that maybe god had heard my silent plea. to make my heart as cold as ice. but no matter how many laps i swam, how i pushed and pushed with the water beating down on my back, the pain kept chipping away at the ice as blood dripped. i wanted to carry on swimming, swimming until my arms and legs gave out. swimming until i was too damn tired to think about anything. swimming until my heart froze. but there is only so long a girl can indulge herself when time is ticking away, and she's exercising on an empty stomach. but at the end of this experiece, i must admit that i would love to swim when it rains again. and the workout, was really good.


after the swim we went to amk central for dinner. and i've come to question my cny outfit. sure, i have found the top and shoes, but there are other problems. finding the skirt and other accessories don't really matter, but other problems. heat, that is one of them. and i'm thinking of doing my hair into a bun. maybe i can see if ethel's free to teach me one of these days *smiles* sofisitication rather than my usual messy style. it's at least another twenty days more, so we'll see how it goes. i hope everything goes as planned.


as ben has reminded me than valentine's is coming up, i've yet to decided what i wanted to do. well, there was note past tense nicholas. but he's probably chained up at home and with homework so he's of no help. my other yearly engagement has been cancelled, which i suppose only goes to show that i really have no power whatsoever to keep my engagments. *argh* then i was thinking of bringing those two girls out, for a evening of fun. but since i can only make it on a saturday, and valentine falls on a wednesday, they would have school the next day. and then, there is always that guy. i don't think i'm even going to give him a chance. there is a lot of say about a guy when he skips from your friend to you. really a lot that don't come out in words. so yes, amanda will be spening this valentine's day alone. i'm sure junhao will be out with his girlfriend, probably romancing her and having her tell him how foolish his efforts have been. even ben, i think he's attached, would have his own date on valentine or even engagements with friends. i guess this is one of the setbacks of being on your own. so i think i'll just stay home, snuggled with a book and possibly inuyasha at 11pm at night. at least you can depend on books keeping you company, no matter your mood. maybe that's why i love them, and also because they bring me to another world. where i don't have to worry so much.


well, jun hao has returned from his grandma's place. so i'm going to help him train out dragon knight. i will blog again soon, and hopfully i'll be in a better mood. take care. thank you for reading. *hugs* god bless. sweet dreams. i love you.

<3 you always

good afternoon.


it's slightly after lunch and since i've got a few minutes, i thought i'd drop by here and blog. since my last post, i've had time to sleep, simmer and think it over. but the feelings are far from resolved. i don't know what i am going to do, maybe i'll just avoid her. because i'm not the type to spread rumors about people, i would then just be the pot calling the kettle black. maybe i'd just go swimming tonight and soak myself in the cold water, and hopefully, my heart will freeze along with the rest of my body. anyhow, i'm also feeling less up to it for church events. the bulletin, i still love it. i love the typing. i like producing something that is beneficial to others. but then, i just feel so sian at times. like i would rather do something else with my time, like sleep instead of stay awake till 11pm just to type out the bulletin. or play maple instead of having to take time to look through the bulletin for mistakes and to print it out. and when those thoughts come, i scold myself. i made a choice to do it, so i really shouldn't complain about it right? but what can a girl do, when all she wants is some warmth and no one cares enough to even provide a little? i will most probably continue doing the bulletin. but with regards to the writing for the church magazine, i'm still uncertain if i'm going to give my name. especially when i'm not entirely sure how long i'd still be in church. but let's not look too far into the future, god knows i've had enough of that. let's just concentrate on here and now.


shopping yesterday at suntec city has just strengthen my resolve to lose all this damn weight. so yes, swimming will still continue. although i'm thinking of factoring in running. unless i can find an all female gym, then perhaps i'll go there and exercise. it's rather unnerving to exercise with men around, with muscles or with flab. both still give me the creeps. hahas. and lunch, i have to start cutting down on staple food and eat more protein. if i can do that, or skip lunch entirely, it would really help i suppose. since i did skip every other meal in ij, but that's a different story. maybe one day every week, i shouldn't eat lunch. i'll just tell uncle harris and cindy that i'm meeting a friend and then spend my time in the library. well, of course i'll need an alarm so i don't go spending two or three hours there when i'm only got an hour's lunch. hahas. but we'll see how, lunch is the only time i have fun with cindy and uncle harris. maybe i'd just eat less, much less and exercise more. hope it helps. anyway, i seem to have veered off my topic! hahas.


so yes, yesterday at suntec. we found a nice red pair of heels, which meet all my requirements. aside from the fact that it is slightly lose at the back and comes out, the shoe is perfect! it's blood red, and three inches. omg, i just love that much of height. now, if only i can find a nice pair of pants that would complement or tone up my damn legs so i can wear a nice skirt, everything would fit into place. hence my new training schedule. chinese new year is coming up in less than 20 days! the shoes were around $50 i think, but it's really a good buy. and also, from next week onwards i'm going to start wearing my three inch heels to work, to start walking properly again. and hopefully by chinese new year, i wont be toppling over my own feet. all i can do now is hope that all the plans i've made, i would keep to them and this chinese new year would be a much better one. and also not to mention, it would really do a whole lot towards my goal for my birthday this year. *smiles*


i got another e-mail from brightsparks today. reminding me that the results are coming out soon. *sigh* i don't know what to do. sighing doesn't help me the least bit, but what could i do? i've already taken the damn papers, paid for them, cried over them. there really is nothing i can do but sit here and wait, and plan for the worst. damn my pessimistic nature, but what can i do? when all you can think about is how frazzled you were during the exam and how all you wanted to do when you left the hall was cry. this really is horrible. i should stop dwelling and concentrate on chinese new year. i just hope all this stress would cause me to lose some weight. hahas! ok, on to a brighter topic.


my writing has been coming along. but mapling has taken a front seat now, because of the new town and perhaps my far too long abstience from gaming. but i promise i will get back to it soon. i just hope i'd get more reviews and those people who did read my story, have not forgotten about it *pouts*


well, right now all i want to do is call someone and talk to them. so much is happening, but there's no one there to help me along. i guess it's times like this when being individual sucks, and is extremely tiring. but there isn't anyone i can talk to is there? i better go before i kill my own mood, or even before i decide that i'm better off dead. *sigh* bye.

<3 you always

good evening.


have you ever felt rage? murderous rage? what did you do when all you saw was red, and all you wanted to do was hit something, someone, anything. when you couldn't hear anything, just see the result of that person's actions and feel the primal urge to protect, defend and attack. what do you do when that happens to you, and you feel the control slipping like water cupped in your hands. what do you do?

i don't know if i can say i hate her. it really isn't her fault that she has decided to be dumb and listen to gossip. but i guess from what i've gathered of this place, it really is a trend to just listen to gossip as god's truth. sad really, when no one really listens to the actual gospel. but don't get me wrong, i'm no saint. because i'd damn myself to hell anyday, just to inflict the pain you cause to her on you. even if it meant eternal damnation. reminds me of that japanese anime that was going to come out. where at midnight, you go to some website and type in the person's name who you want to die and spend the rest of his/her life in hell, and then when you die, you'll go to hell to. and i was, at that point in time, thinking to myself, who in their right mind would do that? can you actually hate a person so much you want to see them in hell and then suffer the same consequences? apparently, you can. but no, i wouldn't type her name down even if i do find the website. maybe because i know there is so much more out there for me. or even the fact that really, she's isn't worth it. but doesn't mean i can't vent or murder, in my mind, all i want.

everytime i see her, i see my mother's tears. and i get this urge to slap her. to slap her so hard she'd wake up from her dreams. that the bloody mist would clear from her eyes, and she'd stop being so stuck up. not only do i want to slap her, i want to hit her. maybe i've been reading too many violent books hit her so hard that maybe she bleeds, i might even feel comfort in breaking her nose. i just want to do anything, anything to make her feel the pain my mother felt. but the physical pain never did make up enough for emotional hurt. and then i suddenly feel this urge to hurt everyone around her. the people she loves, the people she cares about and yet leave her unscathed. how would she feel than?

i still find it hard how she can still laugh with my grandmother and joke, like she didn't do anything wrong. i guess only people who don't really have a heart can do that. i'd probably be beside myself with guilt or even sadness. even if i did believe the gossip to be god's truth. any fucking human being with an actual heart and feelings would feel something, apparently she doesn't. and the man behind her, don't even get me started. because really, do you have no guts or did you hand her your balls when you got married? i swear, if my husband not that i'm planning to get married ever acts like a sissy is going to get booted out of the damn house. can't you be a man and stand up for your friends? *argh* this just reminds me how you do not have a damn backbone.


well, i have thought about writing another story. inclusive of four deaths and no romance. because in real life, i don't think there is any romance. unless of course you demand it, or if you're in a country that just spells romance. *sigh* i can't blog anymore. i might not post this, but then again, i think i just might. i just want to sit home and read, and stuff my face and cry and then swim until i can't move and drown. maybe i just need to swim again. the water, the silence, the cold. it almost feels like your own world, where no one can touch you. absolutely no one.

<3 you always

good afternoon.


it has only been two days since Sunday and i'm still feeling so tired. i don't know why, but i just do. and still, no matter how early i try to get to bed, i'd lie there for hours on end before i finally slip into a dreamless state. it's horrible really. maybe it's the music i listen to before i sleep every night, but i wouldn't be able to sleep with the silence humming in my ears or the faces i see in my mind or in the dark. it just wouldn't do, i'd have more nightmares than my current dreamless state. so yes, maybe i should just try sleeping early for the next few days and exercise more. maybe swimming until my limbs ache would be a good way to get to sleep when i get home. if only my body isn't smart enough to live off the endorphins i work up. maybe it's times like this i should take a day off and sleep the day away in bed. in silence and warmth.


the better part of today has been spent with my book. the new guy came in today and samantha gave him the computer i was working on because the sony one was not functioning properly. i was delighted for a while, offering my service to photocopy items. that was until they set the sony computer in front of me. so now, it's me and this computer again. but i'm sure we can forgo our past differences and start a new. i'm always one for starting a new, especially this new year. well, yan did help me with cleaning out the computer, so it runs slightly faster now. hopefully after what yan does to it tonight, and leaves it over night, it will function much faster tomorrow. please, i'm very desperate.


so i dropped my book off at the library today. i was suppose to come out with two more books. the other books in the irish trilogy, tears of the moon and heart of the sea. but i came back with five books. the two anthologies were because of a moment's fancy. the last book, it was so thin i think i would be able to finish it under a few hours, with concentration and no distractions. but we'll see. maybe this saturday, or sunday i'll just lie in bed, all cozy with my comfortor and air con turned on and read. it would be a very good few hours. *smiles* obviously my music would be turned on. amanda can't do anyhing without her music now can she?


well, i doubt i've got much more to say. going to mass tonight. when are we moving to the air conditioned room?! i'm not trying to be pushy, but it really would be nice to be able to wear layers because of the air con and look good. or rather, my good looking clothes are sometimes more warm for my liking. well, i really should get going. i haven't done much today and i should get something finished. all rights, thanks for reading. thank you to jesse for leaving a tag. hahas. *hugs* all my love.

<3 you always

good morning!


yesterday was a really good day. coupled with going to malaysia with the uncles and aunties from church, i also got food and a new skirt out of it! hehes. well, before i start, let me tell you that the skirt i got was from mango. and it was on a season clearance sale, so i got it only for S$30! i used the basic S$1:R2 exchange rate, can't really be bothered with decimal places. it was really great i tell you! hahas. and it was the last piece in stock! i can't believe how lucky i was. but aside from getting that skirt, we also bought food. lots of it. pineapple tarts. tapocia chips. and other food that i do not know their names =X


i also have to mention the cute guard at the singapore arrival centre from Malaysia. hahas. and this time, we took the less crowded area, so it wasn't so bad. i don't understand why we never take this route when it's so much less crowded on a weekend! but alas, i doubt i'll be going back to malaysia soon. i think. hahas!


the food was good. lunch was very filling but it was good. at least the people we were sharing the table with were nice. i shan't mention the little incident between my grandma and some other lady. although it wasn't very nice of that lady. but i shan't say anything, i'll go into a debate that i'll never be able to end. anyway...the food was good. dinner, although the table wasn't very stable and the people kept serving food from both the right and left of my mother which was highly ignoring. she move right because the lady is coming in from the left, some other idiot decides to come in from the right with a hot dish. i could almost strangle the serving ladies! the food was good. and i had my prawns in oats! hahas. i guess it's good that i was the youngest, i get the most food. and luckily i avoided the rice bowl, which meant that i didn't have to eat rice and could eat all the food i wanted! hehes. and then, i caught the television at the other corner of the room showing 'starship troopers'. and that guy *sigh* is so hot. hahas. but we left when there was still light. i must say, it was my first trip to malaysia that i reached singapore before midnight. hahas. so you see, i don't understand why we have to rush with everyone else where there is another much emptier gateway into singapore.


aside from my new skirt, we also saw a sailor suit from minoshe. but they had no more sizes and i doubt i would be able to squeeze into an 's' and the other dress had horizontal lines so we ended up not buying. i must say i was very disappointed. they don't have it singapore and when i see them in malaysia, i can't fit into them. *sigh* anyhow, we also tried looking for shoes but all the shops, they didn't have a decent pair of shoes! there was one that caught my eye, but it was red with white strips. it would go with my cny outfit, but the heel was rather short. and i was aiming for 2 and 1/2 inches. not 1 inch. so yes, the other shops didn't even have one pair of red shoes! how saddening. but the purchase of the skirt did lift my spirits! anyhow, we also passed a bag shop that i didn't have the time to go in. just looking at the amount of bags, i was already ready to buy a few and put credit to my name and wait for my pay check. hahas! but we didn't have time, so i didn't shop. i think i'll buy a new bag, if i'm going to uni. so i can carry my stuff. i doubt i want to carry my things in my small bag or even in my hands. but that is for the future, i've got more pressing matters to think about now.


while i was in malaysia, i also thought about what i wanted to wear for cny. i am very tempted to tell you what i've decided to wear, but i think i'll not say it here. i have got to see if i can get everything before i type it down. i hope i'll look nice. hahas. maybe i'll even get new earrings! accessories to go with the new outfit, that is a must, really. so yes, i shall not talk about it before i'm tempted to tell you what i'm going to wear. hahas!


well, i think i should get back to work. i got to go look up something from the internet. you really can find almost anything online! well, thanks for reading. and i do hope you got a kick out of the tests i took on friday. hahas. maybe if i do get extremely bored this afternoon, i'll do more tests. but from now till 12, i've got to decide our lunch plans. to go raffles and eat than shop, or to go to brash basar complex to eat before going to raffles to shop. hahas! it was never such a headache in school, just go to the canteen, grab a table and order. hahas! wells, i better go. thanks for reading! please do tag, to let me know that there is someone reading this dusty blog of mine! take care *hugs* i love you!

<3 you always

good afternoon!


yes, this is the second post of the day. but not a long post. just to let you know that there will be various test results coming up. hahas. i was bored, and i ripped the first one from a friend's blog. and the rest caught my eye, so i just did it. i really, really should be getting back to work. hahas. if i'm very bored, i'll do more tests later XD *hugs* by the way, some really are rather accurate, i think. do tag your thoughts! love ya!

<3 you always

You Are 28% Sociopath

From time to time, you may be a bit troubled and a bit too charming for your own good. It's likely that you're not a sociopath... just quite smart and a bit out of the mainstream!

<3 you always

Your Inner Blood Type is Type A

You seem cool and collected, though a bit shy. You are highly driven and a perfectionist, but that's a side you keep to yourself. Creative and artistic, you are a very unique person who doesn't quite fit in. People accept you more than you realize, seeing you as trustworthy and loyal. You are most compatible with: A and AB Famous Type A's: Britney Spears and Hilter

<3 you always

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

<3 you always

You Are 61% Peaceful

You are a very peaceful person. All is good in your world, no matter what's going on. Occasionally you let your problems get to you, but you generally remain upbeat. Your inner strength is inspirational - much more so than you may realize.

<3 you always

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous People will stop and watch you when you appear Even though you're capable of random violence You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing

<3 you always

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You tend to give more than take in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

<3 you always

You Are 22% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

<3 you always

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

<3 you always

good morning!


no, i am not chirpy because i did anything last night. in fact, i didn't get enough sleep last night. because of the extra half hour of american idol, prison break started half an hour later, and then ended half an hour later. and next week, i think there will be a two hour ending to the show, prison break. if that is the case, i might consider calling in sick on friday. hehes. doubt i will do. work has been picking up. i just need something to keep me awake between 3 - 4pm. because once 5pm hits, i'm aware that work ends at 6 and i got to start clearing everything up. and besides, friday is when i got to send everything for updating. important day.


well, i'm blogging now because i doubt i would have time to blog on saturday or even sunday. saturday, i'll be heading to Mount Alvernia Hospital in the morning for an orientation program to volunteer at the Home and Hospice there. it is, unfortunately, from 10am to 12pm. hopefully i'll be able to wake up. maybe i should sleep early tonight. and yet, i can't imagine missing inuyasha for anything else. although i did on wednesday, just to sleep early. but this is different, in a warped way, it is different. hahas. so saturday morning would be spent in the hospital. the afternoon, hopefully i'll be able to make it for novena with mummy. we have to attend mass at night because we wouldn't be free on sunday, seeing as how we wouldn't be in singapore. but that is for later. so after afternoon is over, it'll be gaming time before mass. i seriously need to level! only a few more percentages before i'll be able to use my new equipment! hehes. well, i'm hoping to play for a while tonight. i don't want to be too free to watch supernatural. i've had enough of the ring, i don't need a repeat performance of a girl crawling out of the damn mirror again. so yes, i'll listen to the dialogue and everything, because it's interesting and why would i give up an opportunity to look at a cute guy? but i'll only look when it's not the scary part. hahas. so tomorrow, hopefully by 10pm or so, i'll be able to have levelled. i might be watching television tomorrow night. laws of attraction is showing tomorrow i think. not very sure, might have to check it out again.


sunday, as stated previously, i'll be going to malaysia. it's just a one day trip with the old folks of st stephen. not all, just our clique. and since uncle steven is coming along, i really wouldn't mind the weather, bus or the water. aunty mary and godma are also coming. along with godpa, mama, gongong and my mummy. i think it'll be fun. everytime i go to malaysia with them, i always see a cute guy. hahas. and he'll be on the same bus as me. but nothing ever happens, damn. hahas! i'll blog about it another day. now, on to how my week has been.


monday, the facial was horrible. i will never get used to the pain. but i must say, my face does look clearer. hahas. but somehow, it just doesn't justify the pain i had to go through. self torture. i can't believe how anyone can look forward to a facial, aside from the fact that your face is cleaned throughly, and be excited to go for a session. *argh* but that's me, hahas. and not to mention, i waited for an hour for mummy to finish before i had to wait for half an hour because she fell asleep in the car and didn't hear me call her. *sigh* i was seriously pissed off, you should have heard me. you would have wanted to wash my mouth out with soap. opps!


tuesday, nothing much happened. saw alph at mass, then sent him home. it's always nice to be able to talk to people my age. i mean, not where both parties are screaming at the top of their lungs but talking, civilized and enjoying the company. but then again, it does take all kinds of people to make this world. don't you think? headed home to do the bulletin. didn't want to leave it until wednesday and rush my ass off for it before i head to bed. and besides, it gives more time to the other members to check and point out any mistakes. after that, i immediately jumped into bed. ah, my loving bed. always opens its welcoming arms to me. hahas. i did start on my 'say goodbye' story but was unable to finish, unfortunately.


wednesday. finished my 'say goodbye' story. that is probably the highlight of my day. not to mention, i finished it at night so it didn't do much to perk up my day. and i also had a slightly hard time to finish the story. hope it's quite all right. i will do a review again either tomorrow night or next week. and i promise, it'll be up on my webpage soon at fictionpress.com. i'll let you know when i post it up. that's if you're waiting for it.


thursday was another horrible day. it rained so we didn't go swimming. although we would be going swimming tonight and i got all my breakfast supplies yesterday. i bought cereal and milk. two 1 litre bottles and one 2 litre bottle. mummy insisted that she had wanted. all i know is that i'll drink anything that's cheap. really, you can actually save alot of money if you buy cheaper products. anyhow, i'm aiming to save now for my boom box. i know that when my check comes in, i wouldn't really need to save but then, i've also got to think about my new computer. and also my uni [if i go to uni] fees. it's slightly frustration when you see the money disappearing when you need to pay for everything. and then there's my need to give money away. i have been giving at st anthony masses. it's for the church building. sunday masses, let's just say i'm unfeeling. but yes, money's just slipping away and i need to learn to save again. and i've been cutting down on lunch, thou i must say that the transportation to and from work is getting rather expensive. as compared to my student pass, obviously. at least $1.65 everyday to work. for a week, that would be $8.25. and wednesday, when i go home on my own, i take the mrt. it really is a whole lot of cash! but then again, who knows if it helps SBS/SMRT to cover cost of petrol and so on. on the other hand, looking at the number of communters in the morning, i would think that it does actually help. but who really knows o.O


so today, lunch i'm thinking brash basar complex again. if we're going to have malay food, i'll have fish. or maybe i should just not eat. since i am 18 already. but i had breakfast. hmm. maybe a fruit, or something. we'll see how and where everyone decides to eat. well, i really should be getting back to work. i'll try and blog again next week, i don't think i'll blog again tomorrow unless something big happens *smiles* thanks for reading! please do tag, so i know i'm not the only one reading my own blog. hahas. take care *hugs* god bless! *muacks* i love you!

<3 you always

good morning.


it is an extremely dreary morning. my nose has already started dripping and there is hardly anyone in the office. to top it all off, the bottom of my jeans are soaked. i repeat, soaked. i'm sure you can tell i'm hopelessly pissed off. and i don't think my day would be getting any better. this morning, i alos found out that my ez-link card is extremely low on cash. i should go and top it up soon or something. this pay which comes by monthly, doesn't really seem to be working out. but what can i do? *sigh* and since i only have four dollars in my wallet, i highly doubt i would be having lunch today. it's all right, there will be dinner tonight, i think. even after two and a half slices of bread this morning, i don't feel full. however, i think this would be better. i didn't get my 18 laps at the pool yesterday, due to the rain. i'm seriously beginning to hate the rain. maybe it's the fact that i'm always caught in the rain when i'm dressed up. and going for some important shit, or it disrupts my schedule. but i'm sure after this post, i'll love rain again. i always do.


as of today, only two reviews on my latest story, a one shot. well, this sunday and probably saturday, i'm going to get down to completing the last chapter for 'will you stay?' and after that, it'll just be proof reading and uploading. i have already, yesterday night, started on a scene from the sequal. i've yet to name the sequel, but i promise you, there won't be any happy ending for that part. because i'm having a triology. and there will be a lot of twists and horrible scenes. but i guess that is what comes from reading too many tragic books. hahas. but i will try my best to entertain you, and please review. i would really appreciate your feedback *smiles*


well, i should get back to my work. i has realized that i will probably stop reading nora roberts. why? because she has over 100 titles under her name. for me to read all that, it would at least take a month or so. and besides, i doubt many of them are even in print and i doubt the library would have them all. i'm just thankful that i've read her most moving and touching books. i think i will leave j.d.robb for later when i'm more into mystery and murder. maybe when i'm starting on the murder scenes for 'the bomb', right now, i'm still trying to figure out the characters. i've got all these scenes floating in my mind, but it's so hard to put it all down with everything else missing in between. but we'll see how it goes, i'm not one to give up a story, especially not when i'm only a quarter way in *smiles* ok, i'm going off topic. i just got a cup of warm milo that has put some of that heat back into my system. i shall get back to work, and i will blog again. hopefully not soon because i need to concentrate on my writing and perhaps my gaming. hahas. but we'll see how it goes. for those who know me in both aspects, look out for progress because this is one determined girl. thanks for reading, please tag! god bless you and your loved ones. i love you!

<3 you always

good evening.


i cannot explain my desire or need to keep blogging. perhaps to keep my sanity. perhaps i like to see the way the words just flow on the screen, seeing as how this screen with the words look much nicer than the previous screen. perhaps i just have this innate need to write, and yet am stuck at a formidable wall which my mind has yet to be able to get over. although i must admit, before i blogged, i was writing and finished my 28th chapter for 'will you stay?' and have posted it up. now, all i need is two more scenes to lead up to my last three chapters, which have already been written out. must be my eagerness to start on the sequel that pushed me to write the ending even before i actually completed the story. you never know when inspiration strikes, and when it does, you can't say no. you can never say no. well, as i said, i was writing and i was almost getting it on. but i need to sleep, i wanted to blog before i do. so here i am.


something happened today. i'm not entitled to blog about it here, but i can tell you, it's troubling me a whole lot. i want to do something, and yet, i'm not sure if i should. but if i do want to do something, what can i do? there is only so much another person can do, the individual must want to do something before anything can really be done. perhaps i will sleep on it, and maybe i will message him tomorrow. and we will see how i can help, or even off any advice or even a shoulder or listening ear. god knows how much i want to help, and how much my heart aches that i'm not helping yet.


reading has been interesting as of late. although i cannot and will not read as much as i used to, i've limited myself to one book in at least two days. it doesn't matter if i take longer, but i refuse to take less than a day to read the book. despite the fact that i will still enjoy the book no matter the amount of time i take to finish the book, i still have a job to do. even when it does put me to sleep at times. and for those who still wonder how i like to read. i'm not entirely sure. but the way the words flow, the artistic use of the words, the interesting combination of words that make you stop and admire the writer. maybe because i aspire so much to be like a one of the writers that i enjoy reading. then again, can you actually write and not enjoy reading? though i must wonder, it is hard to write a story when you've read quite a fair bit and everything seems to blend in with one another. the love stories, the horror, the fantasy. there will always be in me, that desire and want to put a bit of everything i've read about into the stories i write. and yes, i've been trying to stop the fairytale like of my books. people need to suffer from heartache to know what real love is. people need to know what loss means before they can treasure something. people need to cry before they can laugh full heartedly. and so, a goal i might set for myself with regards to my writing is to ensure that i make the stories real, and not a fairytale that you would like to tell your children. to teach them that love endures always. to teach them that good will always win over evil. to teach them that no good can come out of bad deeds. to teach them that a good deed will always be rewarded while a bad deed will be punished. because in real life, that isn't always the case.


anyhow, my last chapter was over seven thousand words. hopefully i will be able to get out my next chapter before next week, even before next month! sundays, i have to strictly keep to writing and not mapling. and yet, it is only when i am inspired that i can write and not delete every other sentence. but music helps, so i hope i will get my creative jucies flowing again. and did i mention? i'm planning on another song fic. there is this song, i'm not sure who sang it nor do i remember the title of the song. but it's a song about a guy who tells this girl that he has to end it, because he realized that he doesn't love her anymore. and the plot of the story? it will be sweet, i can promise that. it will have girlish glee, i can promise that. but don't make me promise a happy ending, because she will die. but he will live, knowing that she never stopped loving him and she will always have a place in his heart. no matter who else he decides to give his heart to. despite the fact that i've just told you the plot, i may write it. when i get my hands on that song! *argh* i might try again, but the song helps the inspiration and the feelings to come. it is much easier to write that way. well, i should be going to sleep now. it's almost 10. and i need to be in bed, closing my eyes and sleeping. swimming again tomorrow. and i need to include a swimming scene in one of my stories, it's actually very amazing how much you can describe an action and it's an accomplishment to make the reader be able to visual and actully be there. but alas, it will all have to be done another day for now, i am going to sleep. i'm getting a slight throb at the side of my head. right side. it seems to be growing. i need my sleep. i will see you again. thank you for dropping by, and reading this post. do leave a tag, it bothers me slightly that no one may be reading this blog. don't ask me why, it just does. oh, before i go, just a shout out to a guy i talked to yesterday. study hard! and if you need help, i'm only a ring away *smiles* take care! *hugs* kisses all around. i love you.

<3 you always

good evening.


i know two posts in one day is way too much, but i really can't help myself. i really cannot. well, i have just finished the bulletin and have sent it out. hopefully, this time, someone will at least look through it for any mistakes. and what made me write this was a bulletin that caught my eye. they are calling for people for the youth ministry course. you see, i was not of age last year, so i couldn't go. but this year, i'm 18. and yet, the first meeting would be held on the 15th of Jan, a monday. the same monday when i have a facial appointment at 7.30pm till 8.30pm. so you see, i'm beginning to think that me not joining any youth ministry, truly is fate. and most probably my destiny as well. but let's not go into all that shall we? so yes, but there is also another bulletin.

they need journalists for the new magazine for when the church has finished it's renovation. and seeing as how i've got a love for writing, i'm thinking about signing myself up. and i truly, wonder how anyone is going to write about an event which you might not have attended or an event which has already been over for over two years! but we will see what has to be done. and i really, don't mind doing it. it would be fun. and perhaps if i do choose to persue journalism in uni, this would add to my portfilo. i doubt my stories can be considered, because they are truly long. aside from my one shots though, they might be able to be considered. but then again, journalism is not about fictional stories but about real life stories, and reporting. ah, whatever. we shall see how everything pans out all right? god knows i need something in my life to cheer me up.


well, mummy is outside watching korean dramas again. i'm going to end here, leave my story online and let everyone read it and hopefully review. if you haven't the link, go to my link page, and click on "my stories" and you'll be transported there! please do read my other stories if you've got the time. i promise i will update them as soon as i climb over this block in my head. and i promise, i'm getting to the top already! hahas. ok, i'm going on about nonsense. just please read my story, and i should be heading off to bed now. nights. take care. god bless. i love you!

<3 you always

good afternoon.


yes, i am at work. but i'm only here before i'm awfully tired. i can't stop yawning, and the music isn't exactly keeping me awake or away from the grasp of sleep. and i did sleep early yesterday. earlier than i would have usually. 10.30pm. and i woke up at 7.30am this morning. a total of 9 hours of sleep, and here i am, sitting at the desk yawning! i don't ever recall being this tired in school. but nevertheless, the typing is somewhat keeping me awake. and i think i would try searching for more addresses online if i really get too bored, and up till the point when reading my book wouldn't even keep me awake for another 5 minutes.


my reading has been cut back on. i suppose this is either really addictive or maybe i'm not such a slacker anymore. hahas! and when i go home, i'm too tired or to busy to read. *sigh* but no worries, i will continue reading. after all, it is one of the only things that can calm me down. i wouldn't know what i would do if i didn't have books. and no, i don't mean school books. although history books can be really interesting to read. when you don't have to take down notes or remember the facts, word for word. this whole education thing is still on my mind. and maybe, that is what is stressing me out. but i assure you, that isn't the only thing on my mind. but i suppose, the other things on my mind are not exactly up for discussion or for your viewing. but really, what should i do? but before that, i need my results wouldn't i? *sigh* this is beginning to give me a headache and i'm getting even more tired. my eyes are watering because i'm yawning too much! *argh*


mummy just messaged me. she's going to sleep because she has a bad headache. i hope the headache clears. i am really looking forward to swimming later in the day. the feel of the water on your skin. the silence when you're underwater, only the soft sloshing of water in your ears. i really need to get back into the pool, and hopefully to put some energy into me before i decide that i can't continue this before the end of july comes. well, i'm thinking of bringing my discman, but it is spoilt and i don't want to be more irritated with it than listening to it. but listening to the same songs everyday can be annoying at times. at least with my discman, i can change the cds or something. or i can even listen to a song i like over and over again. the radio, all i hear are the same songs over and over again, and i don't even really like them. despite having heard the songs over and over again for the past few weeks. damn. i'm yawning again. maybe i should just go. take a walk to the ladies or something.


i'll post again soon. there's so much talk about chinese new year. and it only seems like yesterday that it was feb 2006. and another one month before that fateful day. hopefully, no nightmares, no flashbacks, no memory. and if i get though that one day, i will be happy. just happy. please tag! i'll love you for it. *hugs* love you.

<3 you always

good evening.


if you saw me now, you might not recognize me. but then again, you probably might. it's just that the left side of my nose is swollen. it has definitely got to do with the amount of times i've sneezed this morning. and my continuous rubbing and blowing. but you can't blame me can you? would you rather me leave my nose to drip and be disgusting and all. see, obviously despite the pain, this was a much better choice. if you are wondering why i am blogging again, i also don't really know why i am blogging again. maybe it's this aching pain in my chest. or the constant leaking of my nose that's causig a dull throb at the side of my head. or maybe it's just my habit of thinking through my day, and never forgetting the side glances, or the total ignorance of certain people. but i will blog more, i doubt i will be sleeping early tonight. despite work tomorrow.


i don't miss him anymore. i'm sure. it just pains me to wonder how deep and how far reaching the rumor was. sometimes i wonder, if every single mother is afraid of leaving her son with me. even if he has a brain and mind of his own. somehow, no matter how i look at it. this whole relationship, affair, seems to be a mistake. nothing should have happened. i should have just comforted him after the loss of his girlfriend, and not let myself take her place. i guess, there is always room for mistakes in our lives. there just isn't room for us to repeat that mistake. and by god, i swear i will never repeat the mistake. but not only mothers, friends, people i see in church on a weekly basis. people i work with, with regards to the bulletin. sometimes i wonder if i should just stop. stop trying to do anything for the church. and let myself be damned to the eternal hell. sometimes, that just seems to be the easier way out. but you know me. the stubborn bitch. and even now, i wonder if i did bring all this upon myself. and if i did, why are they still creating trouble? still trying to highlight their name as many times as possible? still trying to make themselves look like direct links between god and us? but who am i to say anything? after all, all i have heard are rumors. and i don't believe rumors. aside from the fact that i've caught you staring, pointing, whispering. do you seriously think i'm blind, deaf and dumb? i know i may not be the smartest girl in the group, but it doesn't mean that i don't know what's going on. i just choose to ignore it. after all, i am at least twenty to thirty years younger than you. you can't blame a woman in jealousy. all right, amanda is becoming bitchy. i just hope things will change. i don't expect them to stop staring, whispering or even pointing. i just hope that people who know me, actually say hello. we don't work together on the bulletin for nothing.


i think i miss my great grand ma. i never saw her much, or talked to her much. mostly due to the language barrier, but otherwise, i would always leave mummy to talk to her. after all, mummy seems to be taking care of her just fine when we're all together. i don't remember crying much at her funeral. i could have possibly been the only dry eyed relation there. no, it's not because i don't care about her. how can i break down, when everyone else was crumbling around me? especially those i usually lean on in troubled times. i suppose there are times when you have to keep your grief and be strong for others. and i suppose, if i had cried, i wouldn't be crying for the right reasons. and personally, i don't think that would be very respectful, not one bit. but now, seeing her again today. i miss her. how she'd keep one dollar coins in a plastic container, and then give it to me or my mummy for our birthdays. it didn't matter how much there was in the container, it was her thought that made us happy. i miss her, i really do. but she'll always be in my heart. after all, when you love someone, they remain in your heart, forever. i don't think i'll be talking about my family today, although i did think through it a whole lot during the entire day. maybe some other time.


it's only 9pm and i almost fell asleep on the sofa while watching television. i think i really should go and sleep soon or after this post. though before i go, i got to cheer someone up. it really sucks seeing a friend down. and even more when you can hardly help that person, being in the dumps yourself. but nevertheless, i'll do the best i can. maybe in the mean time, i'll go continue on one of my stories. i should being my stories to work to complete or update them. i'm only afraid that if the computer has not enough space, it will run extremely slow. and that is the worst thing i hate about old computers. ok, i'm beginning to ramble about irrelevant things. please tagged if you have come and paid a visit. it would be nice to know that i'm not the only one who reads my own blog. hahas. take care. good night. sweet dreams. i love you.

<3 you always

good morning.


yes, if you have found this blog again. or if you got the new address from me, i have changed my address. don't ask me why, but i guess i would just like to erase any subtle connection i may have with a certain someone. it really is time for me to move on. anyhow, this post will not be long. i need to be asleep soon. i have to get up on time or even earlier than on time because we're rushing to church. after which, we have to attend ma cho's first anniversary ritual thing. and you know mama, if we're late or if she doesn't have enough time to do everything, that's goodbye to my happy sunday. and i suppose after my stunt this evening, i doubt she'd be very happy tomorrow morning. but you know something? i really don't give a damn. i guess this way is really much better than wanting to inflict bodily harm on someone or kill someone. indifference is always the better option.


anyhow, i have started writing again. but i've hit a block, where whatever i write seems to come out as long winded. and it just seems to be moving along extremely slowly. but no worries, hopefully tomorrow my juices will get flowing again and everything will be back. and it does help that i do see scenes in my head that i want to write. as well as my plots. even though some of the plots are for new stories. hahas. well, i really should get going. it is 3.30am and i need to be up by 5am. damn. well, good night and sweet dreams. and to anyone who may have the unfortunate luck of talking to me this evening. i really wasn't in the mood. try watching korean drama for at least 5 hours while dying of heat. and then changing in under 30 seconds to go out and collect bread. then sitting in a car with the perfume thingys which gave me a pounding headache that i doubt i would have noticed if i slammed my head into a wall. and then, missing my 10pm show because we made a damn stupid detour. followed by me deciding to lock myself in the room and listen to my music before i hurt myself or something or someone. well, i really should go going. thank you for reading, and don't be a silent reader ya? loveya.

<3 you always

good afternoon.


yesterday, i wasn't in singapore. i was in malaysia, at a kind of fortune teller place with my grandma, second aunt and mother. and it truly has been a very interesting visit. nevermind the fact that i was hardly surprised at what the guy said, about my studies sure, but about almost everything else, i expected it. with interpretation from mummy and the tour guide, i may be young but i have a lot of frustrations. i wanted to laugh, but i doubt that would have been appropriate so i didn't. don't you think that is quite an accurate description. although i must admit, it sucks that my grandma, second aunt and mother were there. so much for keeping it to myself, argh. and he did say that i should go to church more often. and just when i thought of cutting down on the number of times i step into church. but i guess it is time for a self evaluation and reforming habits, bad ones anyway. i guess there will always come a point in a person's life when you have to sit down and think about your life so far, and how it's going to go on from there on. and seeing as how this is the next major turning point in my life, i really should sit down and think about it. think about everything.


he also pointed out that i don't take breakfast. and so, i'm starting to take breakfast. will probably start skipping lunch, and have dinner instead. as well as starting my swimming sessions with mummy. twice a week. i really need to do something to get my mind off the hassles of work and not to mention, my life. hahas. but yes, i'm going to start eating breakfast. hahas. funny isn't it? amanda starts eating breakfast after seeing a fortune teller. now you know why people call me weird.


he also happen to touch on my love life. it would be much better for me to concentrate on my studies now, than to look of a guy. and looking back at recent developments, i think that is the best solution. i doubt i have stopped believing in love, but i think i really do need the break. there is only so many times a girl's heart can take a beating. and besides, there hasn't been anyone who has caught my eye. but yes, even if there is someone who has caught my eye, we'll be friends for now. because if sleeping beauty could sleep for a hundred years, my true love should be able to wait another five years or so for me, right?


he said i worked hard at school. and i almost laughed, but i caught myself. if i had worked so hard at school, why am i sitting here, fearing the worst when my results come out? why when thinking about my future, all i can think of is me slogging for the rest of my life and never being able to give my mother the life that she deserves? i still don't know what i am going to do about my studies. to continue, or not to continue. i have discussed this with a few people. if i don't make it, i might go to poly and take a course either in accounts, finance or early childhood. and if i do make it, the first thing i'll do is go to church and thank god. but because i hardly have any confidence that i will pass, i'm thinking of the ways i can go after the results come out. i can either continue studying, in poly. or i could continue working, and save enough money before going to poly. or maybe i'll take an accounting course in another school, just for the diploma. i've run out of options, but you see, only the option of me working will bring in money. everything else requires money to be spent, and in huge amounts. i really think i should stop spending, and start saving for that diploma or poly education. because i know that on my mother's pay alone, there is no way i could get through poly or even a diploma course. but we'll see how it goes. i'm still quite amazed that he said i study hard. but then again, maybe i do and i'm just dumb that's why studying doesn't help. *sigh*


well, i guess that was about it. but the trip was interesting though. the bus was way cool, and i slept about half the time we were in the bus. but i managed to finish my book, in one day. but looking at how my typing has been coming along, i doubt i'll be able to finish one book per day any more. maybe i'll start with one book in two days. but we'll see how. after the 31st jan, it will go back to borrowing 4 books per card. maybe it's a good thing i guess, work more, play less. anyhow, talking about work. i got my first pay check! although it will go to paying for the hongkong trip, it's a total rush to get your first pay check! hahas. i'm crazy, i know.


anyhow, i'm going out with ben and whoever else tags along tomorrow. haven't seen that guy in eons! anyhow, it'll be interesting tomorrow. hahas. and i might go for mass, seeing as how on sunday it's macho's 1st death anniversary and we got to attend the ceremony. hmm, i'm running out of things to blog. i'll be going for mass tonight, scared heart devotion. after that, it's heading home to watch tv! inuyasha. *swoons* i can't believe i'm swooning over an anime character. hahas. well, i better get going. i'll blog again another day. thanks for reading, do take care of yourself. *hugs* please do tag! don't be a silent reader (: loveya!

<3 you always

good evening.


if anyone really wants me to retain my sanity or what is left of it, please buy me a new computer. i seriously hate my 10GB computer. yes, you heard it right. 10 fucking GB. who the fuck in the world has a computer that small anymore? well, apparently i still fucking do! and it's pissing me off right now. this exact moment. and i frankly don't care if i'm cursing so much that it'll send me to hell for the next thousand years or so, i'm just so fucking pissed off.


one hour has passed and i have almost completed the bulletin. some of my anger has already been vented with the music that is currently blasting in my ears. have i mentioned how i totally love my new ear phones because they block out noise from my surroundings? yes, so some of my anger has been released there. and before i end this post, thank you to that lovely boy, no, man who has withstood my anger and calmed me down. you know who you are *smiles* i love you! hahas, just like how i love everyone else. =X see! i'm in such a better mood, and i'm smiling! isn't that a wonder? night all. *hugs* loveya!

<3 you always

good afternoon!


along with a new year, i've gain a new internet explorer! it has been interesting to say the least. i have also started to not use my mouse. for a few reasons actually. firstly because it is spoilt and they only way it can move on my screen is right and left. rather annoying if you ask me. secondly, i have decided that i should try using the mouse pad on my laptop. the double clicking thing is really exciting. hahas!


anyway, i'm now sitting in my living room and have changed from my black class t-shirt to a light coloured top. i don't believe how hot amanda can get just from sitting down and watching television. well, before i got my computer, we were watching ladder 49 and it was a nice show. although the guy i didn't like died, it was a good show. if you do have the time, you should watch it. builds up a kind of admiration i have for fire fighters. i wouldn't mind, altough seeing the rats, and my fear of height. i think i'll stick to another job. hahas. now mummy is watching king authur. i've watched the show before at uncle jeffrey's house but i don't seem to have a very strong impression of the show. aside from a few boring scenes with a whole chunk of dilouge which i couldn't make out then because the vcd didn't have subtitles and we couldn't turn up the volume because of the old people in the house. and with all that dirt and grim, you can hardly see the cute from the ugly. but i must admit, lancelot and authur are cute. hahas. enough with that now, i never know how many underaged children might be reading this!


today and tomorrow are not planned for anything. yet as of today, me and mummy have already four future arrangements for the month of jan and feb. but it's all right, because i have put it down in my new diary. all right, my mind is being occupied by the show. i will blog again another day. i know my first post of the new year should be long and drawn out and everything. ahh. my mind is running away from me! take care. god bless. lots of love. *hugs*

<3 you always